Summer Vacation is Coming…

Despite the brown grass and bare trees, summer is right around the corner. Soon, our children will be running free, like a pack of wild dogs, with no school to tether them. Whether you work outside of the home or are a stay at home mom, the common question running through the minds of most moms and dads is: WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO ALL SUMMER?!

These days, as a mom who works in an office, I worry where my kids will go during the day and who will keep them safe. However, when I was a mom who stayed home, I wondered what I was going to do with my kids all day every day for three months. We did a lot of fishing and camping and besides the many, “Mom, I’m bored!” moments, I miss it like crazy.

So – moms/dads who work in offices and moms/dads who work at home – what are your kids doing this summer? (Oh man, I just totally had a flashback to the last day of school in elementary school: “Okay class, write an essay on your plans for summer vacation.”)

No need for an essay here, folks. Just tell me what’s in store for the time from now until the school bell rings again this fall.

Touchy Feely

So… apparently too much love is a bad thing, at least in some settings.

My three-year old got a “yellow light” in school today. (That’s a bad thing.) The teacher said it was because he was, “having a hard time keeping his hands to himself and not on his friends.” She went on to explain, he wasn’t being aggressive, he just wouldn’t keep his hands to himself. When I asked my little one why he got a “yellow light,” he said it was because he “wasn’t listening.” Not listening and keeping his hands to himself are two different things, I told him. He said he got into trouble because he was “snuggling” his friend. I asked if his friend had asked him to stop snuggling him. He said no. “Snuggling” in our house is a full body cuddle. I guess that’s looked down upon in preschool.

The more I think about this, the more questions I have.

Did he get in trouble because they were supposed to be napping and he wouldn’t stop touching his friend?

Did he get in trouble because he was snuggling another little boy?

Did he get in trouble because his friend didn’t want him touching him?

You see, the more I think about it – the more I wonder what really happened. Since when is cuddling a crime? For most “yellow light” offenses, he has some sort of consequence. But, I just can’t punish him for a simple snuggle.

How would you handle this one?

 

Bribing Children

Eat your vegetables and then you can have some ice cream.

Clean your room and I’ll give you a dollar.

Open your mouth for the dentist and you can have some candy. (Yes, I see the irony in that one.)

We tend to bribe our children to perform in a certain way. I’m sure there are some of you who are going to deny this. You’re probably talking back to your screen right now, saying something like, “NO. I’m teaching my children about compensation or cause and effect.” Well, that may also be true, but… the reality is – it is a form of bribery.

I’m not going to be all high and mighty and say I never do this. In fact, a most recent visit to the doctor involving trying to get a child to show the doctor some parts involved some bribery. It occurred to me, this is the same tactic a child abuser would use.

Come with me and I’ll let you see my kitten.

Don’t tell anyone and I’ll buy you a nice new toy.

So, then, what is the solution? How do we get our kids to do what’s right without bribery or threats of punishment?

My parents were the master of “The Look.” But even that had a negative connotation to it. It implied that you had something waiting for you when you got home and it sure as heck wasn’t an ice cream cone.

We’ve been listening to the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University lessons again. (If you haven’t gone to one of these classes, you should.) He talks about certain chores being essential, unpaid tasks that a child is required to perform just because they are part of the household – like putting your dish in the sink. Then, there are the larger chores that he pays his kids to do. He says this is not allowance, but a commission. The chores must be done – and if they aren’t, they don’t get paid. If we go to work and just show up, we don’t get a paycheck. He says it’s important for kids to know that and learn it early.

If we’re not bribing our kids and not threatening our kids and not paying our kids for tasks – what are we doing? What is the tactic in your household?

Natural Beauty

Have you seen that Dove spot that is going around – that shows what happens when a woman describes herself to a sketch artist and then someone else she has met describes the woman  to the same artist? The woman’s self perception made for an ugly portrait, while the portrait based on the stranger’s description of the woman was always more beautiful and accurate. The video is to promote Dove and natural beauty.

The idea of natural beauty came up this week while my daughter was watching me put makeup on. She said she “can’t wait!” to start wearing makeup. I told her the key was to keep it simple. She’s beautiful as is – naturally beautiful – and she doesn’t need to cover that up.

That got me thinking about all those movies where the dorky girl gets a makeover (which typically just means putting on a shorter dress and taking off her glasses) and all of a sudden people realize she’s gorgeous. I wish those movies could be shown in reverse. I don’t want my daughter thinking she has to wear the right clothes or cake on makeup or lose weight to look pretty. I want people to see how her beautiful spirit shines through her porcelain skin and rosy red lips. How it’s her goodness that makes her who she is. “Pretty is as pretty does,” my mom used to say.

I want my daughter to be able to describe herself accurately, to paint a perfect picture of herself – not gloating, just accurate. I want her to have a positive self-image – confidence in not only what she looks like, but who she is. I don’t want makeup or fashion getting in the way of that.

What do you plan to teach your daughter about makeup? When were you allowed to wear it?

 

Nurturing Our Little Ones

I may have mentioned my sons were both sick the last couple of weeks – taking turns, if you will – with a nasty fever/tummy bug. On the third week, I thought we’d made it through. I was wrong.

On Wednesday morning, I woke up and told my husband I felt like I had a hangover. By midday, I was achy all over – my neck hurt, my eyes, I felt exhausted and my stomach hurt. It was, essentially, a recap of what my little boys had experienced over the last couple of weeks. (They both weren’t sick that entire time. One got sick for a week and the next took his turn the following week.)

By the time I got off work (after taking my lunch break, sleeping in my car) I was ready to crawl under a rock. My husband had to work late – so I knew what was ahead of me: feed children, check homework, play with children, put children to bed. Normally, this is not that big of a deal. But, when you feel like crud – the task is equivalent to climbing Kilimanjaro.

I picked up a movie for the kids. TV time hardly ever happens at our house – so this was a big deal. Then, I begged my daughter to please, oh please, make herself and her brothers some cereal. She flipped on her “mama mode” switch and was in full swing before I knew it. She made me a bowl of chicken noodle soup while she poured her brothers Cheerios.

While the kids ate cereal and watched their movie, I lay on the couch, shivering, under two blankets. I had a fever. I hurt – everywhere. My eyes stung. My stomach felt like someone was occasionally stabbing it.

The next day, I felt about 50% better and today I’m nearly back to my normal self. Unfortunately, my husband now has it. My daughter seems to be the only one who escaped getting sick. She was so sweet, caring for me. She brought me a cool cloth for my head and kept checking on me. I bought her a little thank you gift for being such a sweetheart.

My friend was sick with the same thing and she says it was likely Norovirus, considering how rampant it’s been in the schools and community.

Have you guys been dealing with this nasty little bug? And/or have any of you experienced the tables turning and your child caring for you?

Mom. Mom? MOM!

Oh boy. Today’s breakfast baffle question on KASH (the station I listen to on my commute) really hit home. The hint was:

“If you’re an average mom, this happens to you 228 times a day.”

The answer? You’re asked a question.

Yep.

So, instead of offering up a long litany of advice (although the best advice I was ever given to the nonstop questions was to turn the question around on the child: “WHY, Johnny? Why IS the sky blue?”) I am instead offering you a moment of nothing. Do with it what you will. Pray. Take a few deep breaths. Smile. Laugh. Just don’t answer a single question for the next 30 seconds. GO!

Daughters – Now Entering Tweenhood

My daughter is a couple of months shy of 11. But, if you ask her, she’s just six short years away from being able to drive a car. She has a car already picked out and everything. She has claimed my husband’s jeep.

She’s been reading these American Girl books – the ones about your changing body and stuff. You know, the 2013 version of what Judy Bloom was to us when we were tweens. In the book, there are these tear out pages with fun activities you can do with your mom – girl bonding time. We did a few yesterday. I loved it. I think she did, too. There are also tear out signs. She has found the one that says, “Do Not Disturb” and read it aloud to her younger brothers – so they will understand what this means when it is hung on her door.

Do Not Disturb – man, that’s more than a sign – that’s a theme for most young ladies from about 10 to 22. I’ve caught the eye rolling and the exasperated sighs and now, here we are with an actual sign that essentially says, “leave me the hell alone.”

I swear, it wasn’t that long ago when she was my only child. She was this beautiful baby girl and I was a terrified new mom. All of a sudden, there was this little tiny girl who, among other more crucial things, needed her hair to be done and I was freaking clueless.  I still am clueless regarding the hair. In fact, my husband showed me this really cool picture on Facebook of a braid.

Easy Looking But Crazy Hard Braid

So yeah… that looked easy enough. I tried to do this to my daughter this morning. The woman doing the braiding in this photo must be an octopus because there is no freaking way you can do this with two hands. I had my daughter holding a piece and my son holding another (which was not the smartest move on my part, by the way…) while I attempted this braid-mare.

Needless to say, it didn’t end well. I braided – then undid it. I tried again. On the third time (and after a lot of under my breath cursing) my daughter suggested, “Mom, why don’t we try this again later tonight when we have more time?” God love that child.

I may try this braiding nightmare again tonight, if my daughter can stand it. But, I know for sure it won’t look like the masterpiece in the picture.

Back to the book and those bonding activities – of which, I do not think braiding hair nightmares is one – it asked what advice your daughter would give her daughter one day. What did my daughter answer? “Don’t rush.” Hmm. Fitting. And this was BEFORE I started massacring her hair.

What advice would you give your daughter and what advice do you think she’ll carry on for her daughter one day?