Coal for Christmas

My first grader told me today he hoped he wouldn’t be getting coal for Christmas. I asked him why he thought he would be. There were some mumblings and then he said something about the unfairness of getting coal in the first place. He said he thought it would be unlike Santa to actually give coal. I asked why. He said:

“Santa’s a pretty nice guy. It doesn’t sound like something he would do – give coal to kids. That’s just mean.”

“But,” I retorted,” What if those kids are on his naughty list? What should he do then?”

“Well, I think Santa should give them a letter or a card. Something like, ‘You’ve been bad and you need to be better, but I’m giving you a toy anyway.'” My son explained.

He then went on to explain the merits of coal and,  “how cool it actually would be if you’d get coal and it could transform into a car and stuff.” Yeah – he’s seven.

If anyone’s getting coal in my house, it’ll probably be me. Especially after last night.

My mother and I (Hi, Mom!) got into a heated discussion over the difference between, “expired” and “best if used by.” I managed to slip into a 15-year-old version of myself, just shy of screaming at the top of my lungs, “I hate you!” and slamming my bedroom door to crank up my stereo to the sounds of “Whoomp there it is” or some other mid ’90s jock jam. My kids were sitting at the dinner table during this debate. As I was getting to my pinnacle of frustration, my two oldest children totally called me out:

“MOM! You are being incredibly disrespectful to your mother! Honor thy father and mother!” They reminded me.

So, I took my butt downstairs and tried not to think about the fact that my kids just busted me for not setting a good example.

Santa, I understand if my stocking is the heavy one, full of coal. At least my son will have fun trying to make it transform…


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kim
    Nov 06, 2012 @ 15:23:58

    We were threaten with snowman poop and one of of my brother’s actually received it one year because he peeked. As adults my Mom told us it was because we were little s*#ts that we got poop for Christmas 🙂 Snowman poop = miniature marshmellows 🙂


  2. Mae
    Nov 06, 2012 @ 15:36:16

    I gave my brother Hookah coal one year. I thought it was pretty cleaver…


  3. cabg
    Nov 07, 2012 @ 14:45:16

    the Chugach Gems and Mineral Show is this weekend at the Sheraton. Last year there was someone handing out samples of coal from Usibelli. (it is also a fun exhibit for kids—lots of free rocks and a few games!)


  4. Carrie
    Nov 12, 2012 @ 15:46:49

    Seems coal was maybe a topic at school recently? My daughter came home talking about getting coal in the stocking too – she just told me that it was find, cause she would just squeeze it real tight to make a diamond…. she just might be getting coal so Momma can get new sparkles…hehehehe

    My mother and I don’t agree on what “best before” means either.


    • Mom Land
      Nov 13, 2012 @ 14:35:09

      Thanks Carrie. I’m glad I’m not the only one. I did a major cleaning of my fridge over the weekend. A lot of expired goods didn’t make the cut.


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