It’s too quiet. I keep thinking I’ve forgotten the children somewhere. Earlier, I sat in my car, trying to be quiet as to not wake the baby. The only problem? The baby wasn’t with me. The kids are with their dad this weekend.
I started thinking about this post back in June. I wrote only the words “Free Time: what do I do with it?” and hit save. Every time I considered writing on the subject, I was actually busy and lacking free time. But, today? Today, it hit me in the face like the smell of an old dog bed drenched in urine. (Yes, this actually happened. Don’t ask. It was gross!)
The morning was busy. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more. Without the kids here, I actually got things accomplished! Who knew? But, then it was afternoon. I ate a sandwich. (On the couch! Don’t tell the kids…) I watched some crap TV. I read. I drank coffee. I realized two things: I was bored and I was lonely.
When I first separated from my husband, my brother (who had just gotten remarried) told me I needed to use this time to “find myself.” I should try new things, meet new people. Much like the mantra we tell our kids when they go to kindergarten. I did that. I tried some new stuff. I’ve met some new people. But, then there are days like today. I’m only made busy by looking for a job and watching “The Bone Collector” on TV. At least it’s not Jersey Shore. (Alright, you got me. I watched it for a second while looking to see what else was on.)
While talking to a friend today about the struggle of free time, I got a little emotional. She asked if I was sad. I’m not sure how to explain what I was feeling. Loss?
It’s crazy, I know. I bitch about wanting just a moment to myself to pee and then when I get several uninterrupted hours, I’m not sure what to do with myself! Go ahead. Yell at your computer screen. I can take it. Now that you’ve gotten the rage out… what do you do with your free time? Are you done laughing? Okay, seriously. When you get free time (once a century) what do you do with it?
Lastly, a friend is having a real problem with her daughters. They are about to turn four and seven. The issue is potty talk. My friend asked for advice getting her girls to stop. She says they say “Poop, pee and butt, over and over and over again. And they make the peeing sound (hissing) all the time.”
She wants to know “Will punishment make it more intense? Or, should I ignore it?”