Kids, Diapers, Dancing and Lord of the Flies

We are down visiting my brother in Michigan. Between him and his new wife, they have six kids. Add my three and it’s one heck of a full house! The oldest kid in the gang is off at Debate Camp, so we’re down to just eight kids. Got that? Just eight.

Last night, before bed, the kids had a dance party. Wait, wait. I’m doing it again. Let me back up and tell a quick tale of woe before I get into the fun stuff.

It was one of my nieces’ birthdays so we went out to a local restaurant for dinner. Again, just seven adults and eight kids. A small gathering. We managed to make it through dinner without any huge fiascos. We even managed to keep my toddler somewhat in his seat. He did get up and perform for the neighboring table a few times. It’s amazing how cute it is… at first. The people clap and fawn all over him. But, by the third time, it’s lost its shine and they are back to wolfing down burritos and slamming back their beers. At the end of dinner, my baby boy started making the face. You know “the face”: squished up, red and with purpose. I tried to ignore it. I was on my second margarita and had actually eaten part of my meal for once! I did not want a diaper change ruining it. So, I waited. Stupid, stupid me.

As everyone was just finishing up, I thought I’d run to the ladies room and give the boy a quick change. About the time I was laying him down on the fold down diaper changer, my preschooler walked in and said “Mom! Grandma says there’s poop all over the high chair!” Sure enough, I look down and there’s a poop explosion. There’s some on my shirt from carrying him. There’s stuff all down his legs. It’s all over his clothes. And the diaper? There may as well not have even been a diaper. I hosed him down, as best I could, changed his clothes and handed him off to my mother. Just when I thought I had a moment to myself, I walked into a stall and Aunt Flo came to visit. She’s been gone so long, I wasn’t prepared. As I asked a friend while relaying this story last night: Did I kill the last unicorn in a previous life or something? Seriously! (You know what? I left that high chair right where it was, full of a lovely surprise. Sure hope someone left a good tip!)

Okay, back to the dance party. We came home and the kids got right to it. There’s this Wii game called Just Dance 2. Fun. The kids learned all sorts of inappropriate moves to songs such as “When I grow up” by the Pussy Cat Dolls. They played and laughed. I played too. It was fun.

We woke up this morning and played some more. I danced and felt the burn. Was totally sweaty. Great workout! And just when I was thinking “This is so much fun!” the kids started in: “I want to be player one!” ‘No, I want it!” Oh yes… sibling rivalry… times eight!!!! I walked away and up the stairs. As I did so, the screaming levels got higher. Now, you may be tempted to judge me here for not staying downstairs and helping them sort this all out. My answer to that? I’m on vacation. Um, I mean… they need to learn how to resolve conflict on their own. Yeah… that’s it. 

Each time this gaggle of kids fight, I half expect to see a Lord of the Flies outcome. As of yet, no one has passed a conch and no one has been bludgeoned to the death. That seems like a success story to me!

So, folks… if you’ve ever left behind a poopy mess in a public place or have some other secret mommy shame you’d like to confess, I’d love to hear it.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amy
    Aug 04, 2011 @ 19:12:45

    You left the poo…? That’s all sorts of wrong!!! When my son was somewhere close to kindergarten age, he was playing in the play area by himself while we shopped at a local educational store. He apparently had an accident in his undies, and for some reason pulled it out, and attempted to ditch it under the play table. In the process, he got poo on his hands that he attempted to wipe off on the surrounding toys and his clothes. It was everywhere. The stench was obvious when we checked on him. Also took him to the bathroom, stripped and hosed him off. Attempted to clean the room with paper towels, but it was futile…the store owner told us to go ahead and leave. Strapped our naked child into his carseat and went home. (he was past potty training – we didn’t carry extra clothes at that point!). Mortifying


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