The Hazards of Holding Kids

I’ve never dropped any of my babies on their heads. I have, however, dropped things on their heads. Accidentally, of course! There are these unsuspecting hazards of holding kids. Things you don’t expect to happen, until they do.

I’m working the Morning Show shift again. So, yesterday, when I went home, I spent much of the day in bed. Thank God for teenage relatives with tons of energy who can keep up with my three kids when I can’t! While those teens are good for lots of things, they can’t nurse my baby boy to sleep. And he’ll hold out. Believe me. I could hear the grump-level rising from the next room. I brought the baby to my room and let him sleep nurse while I sat there, partially comatose from this bizarre shift. So, while I’m half-sitting, half-laying down, my cousin brings me a bowl of Velveeta Shells and Cheese. I precariously eat this over the baby, until it happens. A shell falls on his little arm, leaving an orangish fake cheese goo skid. What do I do? What would you do? I was hungry and tired. I ate it.

The noodle is, by far, not the worst thing I’ve dropped on this kiddo. Moms have to multitask if we ever want to get anything done. Often at nap time, I check my email. I’m usually doing this while side nursing. I’m propping my iPhone in one hand while my other arm is tucked under the baby. It doesn’t take much to drop it. (The phone, not my toddler.) And, my boy is not a big fan of having a smart phone smack into him mid feeding. I can’t imagine it would feel that pleasant!

This is just one hazard of holding kids. There’s a promo for an NBC show right now where the Dad character is changing the baby’s diaper saying “How are you stronger than me?!” It’s so true. They get this super human toddler strength somehow. And, oh! What about the good old back flailing? When they throw themselves away from you when you least expect it? That’s a fun one.  When you’re learning to be a parent, you know not to drop the baby. That’s basic. But, no one ever tells you it’s not that easy! It’s like trying to wrestle a greased salmon!

I think we’ve all been dropped a few times when we were infants. So, I don’t think I’m asking too much here… give me your best Child Holding Hazard stories. I know you’ve got one!


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