An Alarm Clock with TEETH

When I worked outside of the home, I had a heck of a time waking up in the morning. That problem persisted in my attempts to get out the door in time to get my daughter to school. I set two alarms and still, there I’d be hitting the snooze button until the “Oh crap!” moment where I’d rush around to get there on time. I guess I assumed that would change now that it’s summer. I figured there would be sleeping in and I would wake up on my own, refreshed and ready to start the day. That’s bull. I love my sleep.

This morning, there was no chirping device to wake me. Instead, my eyes opened to the sounds of my baby rousing and wanting to be fed. So, I latched him on and went back to sleep. This went on for a few minutes, while I held out hope he’d fall back asleep and we’d get a few more minutes rest. Then he sat up and I knew my hopes were dashed. Yet, I still kept my eyes closed in a last futile effort to get just a few more seconds sleep. Until, that is, he decided it was about damn time I woke up. There came my little 16 month old alarm clock… with teeth. There was no digital chirp… there was just mama bear screaming her freaking head off as he bit, not once, but twice, into my right shoulder. I have the nasty dental outline to prove it. Yep, that woke me up alright. But, it made for a grumpy start to the day.

HOW do I get this kid to figure it out? Biting is NOT okay! I flicked him this morning to instil the not-okay-ness of the situation.  He cried. Not from the pain. I’m not a monster. He just had his toddler tyrant feelings hurt. How can such a cute little thing be so vicious? It’s like that scene from Jurassic Park where Newman (that’s his Seinfeld name, but I don’t know what he was actually called in the movie) crashes his Jeep and sees the cute little dinosaur. It was cute, right up until the point it ate his face off.

Just to summarize our losses: in the last 10 days or so, I’ve gotten a bloody nipple, a bitten neck and a tenderized shoulder all from my little Toothy Toddler. The nipple was an accident, he was asleep. The neck was his attempt to get my attention, we found out later that day he had pneumonia and an ear infection. And the shoulder, well… I don’t know. He wanted me to wake up already.

The only solution I can think of are words. Learn words! Tell me what you want instead of sinking your teeth into me! We’ve done baby sign, but that only goes so far. I’m beginning to get frustrated and sore. I need your advice folks!

I’m off to bed, where I’ll sleep with one eye open… hoping my battle wounds heal soon so I don’t keep having to explain that my toddler is abusing me.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Domestiç Reclusë
    May 28, 2011 @ 06:19:58

    Ugh, thanks for the bitey flashback! I definitely feel your pain, as my youngest nursed until she was a few weeks’ shy of turning 3! I thought her razor-sharp baby teeth were bad, ugh, then I felt those toddler chompers latch on for dear life in hopes to never be weaned..!

    But anyways, since you’re currently stuck with a li’l Piranha, maybe the link below will help you with the healing process, at least physically. I thought I’d need stitches or my nips would fall off from the slice-action they were getting, but I was so surprised that the Lanisoh stuff worked. 😉 That funky gel-looking cream in the purple tube sure did wonders for me! I mean, it won’t stop future bites or numb oncoming ones, but it should heal existing bites. Oh, and it also works nicely for very dry/cracked lips, not that I’d use it in public but just, you know, when at home in jammies & trying to heal from your other wounds… 😉 Good luck!

    This is the stuff I used to heal from my li’l Piranha >


  2. KalleyC
    May 29, 2011 @ 04:11:04

    I remember the biting days, and they were not fun. Seemed like everything you do and try, the little one will still bite. In my daughter’s defense, she was teething, but it still hurt the same.

    I don’t know if anything I’ve tried worked on her, she just stop biting on her own. Since most of it happened while nursing or when she wanted attention, I just learned to nurse with a finger by my nipples to break the latch.

    All I can say is hang in there.


  3. Emily
    Jun 13, 2011 @ 20:57:17

    Ouch!! Toddler bites can be so unintentionally severe! I think we would try to redirect to kisses in a silly way to distract our son from biting. And praise, praise, praise for every good, appropriate thing he did with his teeth! (Am I the only one who has a hard time with this? I feel like it’s way more natural to correct the bad behavior than praise the good, unfortunately.) Other than that, maybe try this Mom’s Guide to caring for little teeth. I’ve found some helpful info there recently as we’ve dealt with my 3 year old’s injured teeth… and the treatment that has followed that. There might be something of use to you there. Hang in there!! It will get better! (Hope it already has!) 🙂


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