Who Asked You?! The Woes of Unsolicited Parenting Advice

We’ve all been there. You watch a parent struggling with their unruly kid and you think, “Oh man, you are doing that wrong.” But, at what point should you actually open your mouth and say something, especially if it’s a friend?

A friend recently asked me that question. A friend of her’s asked – openly – what he should do differently to tame his “little monster.”

Friends gave the typical advice:

• Watch Super Nanny
• Read “The Strong Willed Child”
• Use reward charts
• Be consistent

It was that last piece of advice that seems to be the sticking point with this particular parent. It is apparent that this parent is not sticking to his guns. So, my friend asks, should she be blunt with him and tell him that in order to get his kid to listen and behave, he’s going to have to put more effort in, too?

Luckily, I have some pretty too-the-point blunt brutally-honest friends. One caught me in the act once. I was complaining about how my kids just don’t listen when it’s time to leave. She said, “Well, let’s see… you’ve told them five times that it’s time to go and yet, here you stand, talking to me. If it’s time to go, it’s time to go. YOU need to set the stage and be consistent.” It was a tough thing to hear, but I needed to hear it.

What do you think? When should you speak up and give the parenting advice you know your friends really need to hear?

Easter is Coming! 7 Tips for Easter Eggs

For Christians, Easter is supposed to be a bigger deal than Christmas. The bunny’s involvement still kinda baffles me…

Growing up Byzantine Catholic, the hard-core creative types made Pysanky, which involves wax, patience and a steady hand.

Image courtesy Wikipedia.

Although my dad did this very well when I was a kid – and I have the kit to do it myself – I am, in a word, intimidated. I tend to  stick to the old grocery store kit.

However, this weekend I found an idea on Facebook. (Don’t so many good ideas come from there?) It’s essentially a tie-dye egg made with shaving cream.

Photo Courtesy: Theresa Murphy Chevalier

 

Of course, that cool technique had me scouring Pinterest for other cool ideas:

7 Easter Egg Dying Tips has everything from neon to embroidery to rubber bands.

Leaf print Easter eggs are pretty cool looking.

Natural Easter egg dying seems to involve things like coffee, onions and chili powder – not together, of course. That just sounds like a recipe for heart burn!

Help for little hands shows a way to get your kiddo involved, without cracked shells.

More tips for kids has the help of a colander.

 

Let me know if you use any of these! Send me your pictures and tips and share them with the class!

 

 

 

 

A New Home

We’ve done it. It’s official. We sold our old house and have moved in to our new one. I say we’ve moved in, but in reality, we are living out of boxes. In fact, I still have an entire load of stuff in the back of my truck that we have not yet taken out. We’ll get there… eventually.

The kids are settling in well to the new house. The boys will share a room. They seem okay with that. My daughter slept in her own room last night with no complaints. She had her own room at the old house, but it was on a different floor and she wouldn’t sleep away from her brothers. Last night, she crawled right into her bed and didn’t make a peep. In fact, none of them did.

Our new house is one-third the size as our old place. It’s cozy and I love it! However, there are certain logistical obstacles to overcome. Mainly – we have too much crap. Especially the kids. Our daughter is okay in her room, but the boys are at that age where all their toys are big and clunky. We’ve narrowed it down to legos, Lincoln logs, race cars, art supplies, books and a bin of random. Not sure what we are going to do to make it all fit. Bunk beds, most likely.

My best friend came over last week and we culled the toys substantially. She took away an entire truck load of toys. It makes me ill, thinking about all that stuff. It was all stuff they hardly ever played with. Hopefully, some child will one day.

This got me thinking about the toys I had as a child.  I had a vast stuffed animal collection, of which my favorite was Scrungy. Barbies also took over much of my room. My prized possession was my talking Teddy Ruxpin doll my brother bought me one Christmas. By far, my favorite toy ever. Not sure what happened to the Barbies, Teddy or the stuffed animals – but I still have Scrungy to this day. (Thanks, mom, for keeping him safe!)

Each of my kids has a stuffed animal they love, dearly. What toy, if you could only bring one, would you have taken as a child? Do you still have that toy to this day?

 

Oh, what a night…

Now that I have that song stuck in your head…

My evening with my children was… interesting… to say the least. The first day back to our house after spending time over at their dad’s is always a rough transition – as I imagine it as when they go back to his house after being at our home. Last night was no different.

All three kids wanted to watch a movie. We try to limit screen time, so they asked, instead, if we could play a game. Everyone was fine with this – except my three-year old. My refusal to let him watch a movie combined with my refusal to let him have a second juice box was just too much for him to take. He laid down on the ground – kicking, screaming, banging his fists and shouting into the floorboards, “I HATE MOMMY!” Oh joy. Those are always the words a mom/dad wants to hear. Gee, thanks.

I picked his flailing little body up and carried him to his room, fists and feet a flying. I told him he was being nasty and shut the door, telling him he could come out when he could calm himself down and apologize. Fast forward through a lot more screaming and sobbing… and he tells me he’s sorry for saying he hates me. Over juice.

My 10-year-old daughter, meanwhile, gets reprimanded for sneaking food off her plate – after being told, repeatedly, to wait. My seven-year old son then polished off the night by asking me if I was around when Noah’s Ark was built.

So.. how was your evening?

On the Move

We are moving. Geez, that one sentence is both and understatement and an overstatement at the same time. We are moving – one exit closer to town. Google says it’s 10 minutes – or three miles away. Three miles doesn’t seem like much… until you’re moving.

Imagine the last time you went on a quick trip with your kids. I’m talking a short day trip. How much stuff did you load in your car? Juice boxes or sippy cups, jar baby food, formula or a lunch box… it’s all the same. It all takes space. Lest we forget the multiple changes of clothing – because you know someone will spill. Oh and there must be toys. Soon, your car is packed. And all you planned was a short trip to the zoo! Now your car has become one.

Lets take that experience to a grander scale. Instead of just enough food, clothes and toys for one outing – you have to move everything. Now, let’s add the extra challenge of downsizing. I am not complaining about downsizing. I think it’s awesome. We are moving to a house one-third the size of our current one. Most people think we’re nuts. But, when you live in a big house you just fill it with more stuff. And it just means more time spent cleaning. I digress.

Take all the kid stuff plus all your stuff plus all the little things like toasters and towels and all of a sudden, you’re facing a mountain. We’ve started downsizing – trying to make sure that what we are packing is actually something we need. We had the kids go through their toys and pick out what they didn’t play with. I was both shocked and saddened. A lot of Tonka trucks will be finding a new home…

We have to be out of our house by this time next week. Six days and counting to the big move. Tell me – what is your advice for a mama on the move? What stays? What goes?

The Wrong Side of the Bed

Hmm. Where to start? Well, let me back in to this by saying we are moving. Staying in the same community, just downsizing – drastically.

My boys will be sharing a room (which they already do.) We were concerned their new bedroom wouldn’t be big enough to fit my seven-year old’s race car bed. I insisted we find a way to make it fit. My son loves that bed! (Insert that time as a mom where you’re the one who’s actually more attached something than the child you are fretting over is.)

My first grader says to me, matter of factly, “Mom, when we get a new house, I’d like a new bed. I think I’m too old for this one and I feel like bunk beds would be a good choice.” I was astounded. First of all, he was very articulate in his statement. It was well thought out and he’d obviously been considering this for a while. Secondly, bunk beds? That’s what we were going to try to appease him with if we couldn’t take the race car bed with us! And finally, he’s “too old” for his race car bed? Say what?! But, but… I guess we’ll be saying  goodbye to the old red bed.

While all this has been going down, his little brother, our youngest, wants to be just like his big brother. He has decided he no longer wants to sleep in his little bed either. (We’ve been using the convertible crib with the one side removed…) He has taken to sleeping in the race car bed or the other twin mattress. This is great and all (although, it was doubly crushing for both my baby boys to decide to grow up on me so fast!) except for the fact that my toddler has woken up on the wrong side of the bed each and every day he’s slept on a different bed.

Each morning, my three-year old has been a sheer terror. Three times this week – he has screamed. All. The. Way. To. Preschool.People, this is NOT a short drive.  He insists he’s a big boy and should be able to go to school with his big brother and sister. By the time we drop them off and reach the preschool – he’s in full-on meltdown mode. He rotates between the “stiff as a board” and “wet noodle” approaches in his car seat, making it virtually impossible to remove him from the car without looking like a wild woman. Once we reach the top step of the preschool, I’m working up my best tactic to get him to settle down.

This morning, another parent caught me showing my boy his face in the mirror and telling him, “This is a grumpy boy. Where’s my happy boy?” The dad walked past and said, “Yeah, let me know if that works – I have two you can try it on.”

Why must toddlers want what they want when they want it? I’m hoping/praying tomorrow will bring significantly less drama, especially considering it’s a weekend!

Anyone out there with some toddler-taming-tips?

 

Are You Happy?

I heard an interesting story this morning on NPR. It was basically refuting a decade-old study that found parenting leads to unhappiness. New research suggests it is the mundane daily tasks that make us unhappy – not the overall parenting. For example, changing a diaper may not peak your happiness scale – but spending quality time with your baby will.

That story got me thinking about the last four days I have spent with my kids. They didn’t have school Friday or Monday, so we took off from work and headed out to the cabin. Our family was joined by my best friend, her husband and their four kids. Collectively, that meant seven kids running around at all times.

The weekend was – in a word – great. It made me happy. But, if I go back and think about the 47 times my toddler threw a fit that he didn’t get to ride the snowmachine or the times my older kids were arguing over petty little things – I might be drawn to say I was unhappy in those moments. However, overall, the trip was fun. A lot of fun. The kids had a blast and made a lot of memories.

My own favorite childhood memories mostly involve camping in our trailer in Ninilchik. We’d go fishing, clamming or just play. It was a blast. I want my kids to have cherished memories like that. Our cabin offers that – a respite away from the day-to-day stuff. All we do is play, eat and sleep. Yes, all those things make me happy.

Are you happy? What leads to your happiness? What have you done today that has made you happy?