I have learned certain things over the course of my life. Things like dress in layers to cover up my innate ability to spill on myself, or always tell someone where you’re going if you decide to travel in winter in Alaska. Then, there are other things I have learned. Things about motherhood. Things about places like Chuck E Cheese, where we celebrated my son’s third birthday. It’s a venue where we have often celebrated birthdays, both for my children and other young friends and relatives.
As soon as you walk into the doors of Chuck E Cheese (whatever happened to the small door intended only as a child’s entrance? Did they take that out?) you can feel a shift in the universe. I imagine it’s like a kid version of Vegas. What happens at Chuck E’s house stays at Chuck E’s house. That is, until now. Here are my observations about the Chuck E Cheese Phenomenon.
- Your children will beg you for pizza every day of the week. But, the moment you place pizza in front of them at Chuck E Cheese and tear them away from the games long enough to consume their meal, they will hate every fiber of your being as if you were trying to force them to eat shards of glass.
- Much like prom, your child will likely end up in tears by the end of the night.
- No matter how many tokens you buy, it will not be enough.
- You will leave with something sticky on you.
- Your child will leave sweaty, amped up, tired and cranky – all at the same time.
- Energy reverses itself simultaneously providing your child with endless energy while sapping you of every ounce of remaining energy.
- A kid will get stuck, sobbing incoherently, in the tubes of play land. You (or another parental volunteer) will climb up, rather ungracefully, to rescue the child.
- Once you have rescued an inconsolable child from the tubes of play land, that same child will begin screaming that they want to do it again.
- Your bank account will shrink like a contestant on The Biggest Loser.
- Your kids will beg you to come back, no matter what.